The current of the waves rolls beneath your knees. Amazing, you think as your body adjusts to the motion until, after a few minutes, it automatically moves along. You pass the surf and you put one hand down, still holding the paddle in the other. Now - now is the time to stand. Placing your paddle across the board and both hands palm down, you push yourself up into a standing position. Legs wide, knees slightly bent. Standing there, in my bathing suit in the middle of January, a laughter rose up inside of me. A grin broke out across my face as I my paddle glided through the water. I felt so ALIVE (and ridiculous, but that's an aside)! But that laughter and overflowing of joy seems to become inert when I return home. In my head and my prayers, I've been tossing around how I can continue to allow God to enter into my life like that here. I know the intensity of my glimpse of God's kingdom is much lower when I return, which is good and right. I couldn't live consistently in such a state. But that doesn't mean the joy filling my heart should suddenly stop welling over. So the questions in my mind are - how am I allowing God to fill me? And do I create space in my life to do the things God designed to bring me joy? And I realized just how poor I am - at balance. I've got great physical balance, don't get me wrong. But the balance of my real life is wobbly - like watching me get on my knees and try to stand on the board, then immediately falling off the side. I've been lacking in attempts to actually stand up, just settling for kneeling as a "joyous" reprieve. But I am sick of kneeling and calling that good enough. I want to figure out a balance because I crave the standing. No, I need to. "But look, God will not reject a person of integrity, nor lend a hand to the wicked. He will once again fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouts of joy." (Job 8:20,21)
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